Book of Esther - Week 7

The Reversal of Destiny (a.k.a. The Reversal of Fortune)
Sometimes we find ourselves going on a certain path. Then in the midst of a crisis we have to make a choice. With this choice we can make a right turn, or a wrong turn. In either case, our lives change forever.

I think this situation for me was my whole college experience. From the beginning, I decided to make my own way and put myself through college, working many different jobs. When I was a freshman, I was like many other freshmen: naive, shy, and unsure. Well, nothing like work to make you grow up! It was truly the hardest time in my life, but I wouldn't change a thing. Surviving that made me a stronger person and gave me more confidence in myself. But it was also my time of rebellion. I was angry about my situation and I took it out on God. I stopped going to church. But I never lost my faith. After a time, I started to go back to church. Looking back on it now, I am convinced that Somebody Upstairs was watching out for me. I did a lot of stupid things that I'm not proud of, but thankfully nothing really bad happened to me. (By "really bad" I mean no lifelong irreversible consequences.) But in a way it was necessary. I wouldn't be who I am today without it. But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Rom 5:3-4)

Book of Esther - Week 6

Timing is everything. Is this the right time for _____________? I could fill in the blank with any of a number of things occupying my mind of late. The most recent example is work. My second pharmacy exam is scheduled for next week. Once I pass that, I will be ready for dispensing action! My school loans payments will start in a couple of months and that's a lotta money! (As opposed to lotto money, which I don't have any of that either.) Not that we couldn't use the extra cash around the house... On the other hand, there's Sean.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't know that I would enjoy motherhood so much. Yes, it was really hard the first month with the sleep deprivation and getting used to nursing, but we've past that now. Sean is full of smiles and sounds and all of it fills my heart with joy. I mean, have you seen the tickle video? I'm not saying that it's a piece of cake now, but when Sean smiles or laughs... There are just no words. I am nervous about leaving him in the care of strangers; although I know I will have to do it eventually.

So I suppose this question is what every working mother faces. But I wasn't going face it quite yet since I'm still not licensed. However, last week a pharmacy recruiter called and offered me a job. What timing! I've been telling my friends that I haven't even been praying for a job yet because I'm not ready to take one. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (Mt 6:8) So I've been praying for God's guidance in this situation. I want to do what's right for our family and our finances.

Book of Esther - Week 5

Tonight's lesson left me with two questions:
1. What is my calling?
2. What is my biggest fear?

As far as my calling goes, I have no idea what it is. I was thinking that every person wears different hats: wife, mother, sister, daughter, co-worker, friend, etc. With each hat we have different responsibilities and desires. Maybe each hat is a little ministry? A mini-ministry? But as for just one calling, I don't really know what it is. I just hope to keep myself pliable and keep an eye out for any spiritual "nudges."

What is my biggest fear? I would have to say that it involves family members and I'm sure you can guess what it is. I don't even want to think or talk about it. Our biggest fear is our Achilles' heel to the Enemy. (Not that he can have power over us, but this weakness can be a big distraction.) This fear can keep us from our work, our testimony, and our ministry - our very lives. Then we will be ineffective for God's kingdom at the least, and at the worst do harm to the people we love the most. We have to be courageous and face our fears.

What is the most frequent command in the Bible? Tonight we learned that it is, "Do not be afraid." I've never thought about how much fear permeates our lives from the cradle to the grave. Fear of being alone, fear of looking like an idiot, fear of failure, fear of not having enough money, fear of losing someone... What would it be like to live without these fears? I remind myself constantly that the Lord will provide for us. He has blessed us so much already and I shouldn't worry. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Mt 6:27)

The Book of Esther - Week 4

This evening after bible study, I got to thinkin' about "transparency as a key to my testimony." It's definitely true that you have to be honest about your past and how far God has taken you. I am not transparent enough and I don't give God enough credit for how far I have come. Some of my friends who have known me for almost 10 years know the person I used to be. Well, I'm telling you now, I didn't do all that changing by myself. And sometimes, depending on the day and whom I am with, I haven't changed that much at all.

I suppose to some extent we all want to put our best face forward, but sometimes this back fires and people don't think that we ever do anything wrong. I remember a comment a friend had made about not going to church because she was too much of a sinner. Well, honey, that's what all the people in church are - they're all sinners too! It also reminds me of when Matthew and I were still in undergrad at A&M. When we would tell people that we went to a certain church, we often got the response, "Oh, I didn't know you were Christians. Ya'll are too 'fun' to be Christians." That perception of Christianity saddened me. And I know that it drives people away. Who wants to accept Jesus Christ as your savior and become a Christian? No way, then I have to give up having fun too. Admittedly, I haven't heard this comment in a while though.

Lately, I've been wrestling with this issue: how do I be sympathetic to my friends' issues while encouraging what is Godly and not appearing judgemental?

The Book of Esther - Weeks 2 and 3

Well, last week I drove to bible study, but since the parking lots were all full, I decided to turn around and just go early this week for the videotape session.

This week's lessons were on meanness and anger. "Meanness in ourselves is brought out whenever we perceive a threat." I thought about this in my past and it's definitely true. I remember when Matthew and I were first dating and there was a blond aerobics instructor whom Matthew knew from his gym. She would talk to him to be friendly, but I was so jealous that I would say mean things about her to him. I was just awful! I was so insecure and "insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry." (She got back at me later when I waited on her and she gave me a bad tip.)

The Book of Esther is set in Persia during the reign of King Xerxes and it turns out that there are some parallels between Persian society of old and our post-modern society, specifically in their idea of beauty. "Beauty isn't something you were, it was something you did." Persian women subjected themselves to all sorts of treatments to become "beautiful." I thought of the recent popularity of plastic surgery and silicone and botox in our society today. "When beauty is a treatment instead of something you are, you can never do enough."

The Book of Esther

The fall women's bible study started tonight and it was good! We'll be studying the book of Esther - quite appropriate for a bunch of gals, don't you think? ;) I don't know what it is, but I feel a real hunger for it this year. Our teacher Beth Moore is an excellent leader, and I wish I could take every woman I know to class with me.

For this bible study, Beth took an informal survey of 400 women and asked them what were the three hardest things about being a woman. She read one of the replies which was "wearing panties while at the same time looking like I'm not wearing panties." ROFL! I've been thinking of what I think are the three hardest things and so far I have come up with two. So I'll post when I have three...